Why U-haul Relationships Don't Work

So I have formed a theory on why I think "U-Haul Relationships" don't work. First, for those of you who don't know what a U-Haul Relationship is... it's when two people start dating and move in with each other almost immediately.

The first reason, and this one is pretty obvious, is because most people don't know each other that well after just a month or so of dating. Even if you spend every day together, there is a lot you don't know about a person, especially from a live-in standpoint. Little things can become really big issues when it comes to living with someone. Leaving cups around the house, toothpaste in the sink, hair stubble from shaving... Maybe their little quirks and habits drive you crazy! A lot of these things aren't realized in the first month or so of dating.

Second, and perhaps a slightly less obvious reason, is because when two people agree to move in together after a long time of dating, they usually sort through things such as where they want to live, how they are going to handle finances and bills, etc. More often then not, when it's a joint decision after a longer period of dating, many couples find a new place to live so that they can have a fresh beginning and both can feel like equal members of the new living arrangement. On the contrary, when couples move in together right away, it tends to work out where the person doing the moving in either doesn't already have a place of their own, such as renting an apartment and the lease is almost up, or living with friends/family... or perhaps the person who they are moving in with has a nicer place. I'm guessing in a rushed situation, it's more likely the first scenario. The reason this can be an issue is, the person who is being moved in with probably already has a system in order for the place that they live. They pay the bills and generally all of those bills are in their name, they are used to the upkeep such as cleaning, etc. So the person moving in has to either attempt to contribute toward the mortgage or rent, chip in on bills, and find a niche in chores and things of that nature. This can be problematic when one person has a system that works pretty well and suddenly they have to figure out how to incorporate someone else into that arrangement. Also, it tends to leave a lot of the responsibility on the shoulders of the one being moved in with, since most everything is in their name.

This also can cause issues from a possessive standpoint as the person who is moving in likely will be moving into an already furnished dwelling, so most of the "things" in the house or apartment belong to the other person which can leave them feeling like it's not really their home, but that instead, they are just sharing in another person's life. So they are left feeling like they are sitting on their partner's couch, sleeping in their partner's bed, which might not annoy some people, but it's nice to feel like you are a contributing member or that belongs are partially your own.

Financial issues can rear their ugly head too in this situation because the person moving in may not feel that they need to contribute an equal amount. After all, the house/apartment isn't in their name, and the person who was living there before they moved in was doing just fine paying everything on their own. They may feel that their moving in doesn't really cause any additional expense to the original dweller and therefore they might not feel as inclined to contribute an equal amount. Whether there is good communication between the new couple or not, this could lead to issues down the road where one side or the other feels like they are being taken advantage of.

Then there is the whole matter of time. People who have been dating for a long time generally have a handle on how much time they spend with their partner. People who move in together too rapidly, may find themselves more easily smothered in the relationship because suddenly their space has been occupied by their partner and now when they would normally have personal time, it is suddenly shared time with someone else, which may not always be a good thing. It's healthy in either case to have some personal time away from their partner to just reflect, relax, and enjoy.